


Five Times Noctis Gets Kidnapped (AKA: Noctis is a little shit)

by Strange and Intoxicating -rsa- (strangeandintoxicating)



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Comedy, Gen, I sold my soul to the Kink Meme Lords, Noctis I want to cuddle you, Noctis you little shit, Nothing too offensive in here, minor language, you can be adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-28 17:19:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10141262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangeandintoxicating/pseuds/Strange%20and%20Intoxicating%20-rsa-
Summary: Kink Meme Prompt: Noctis, Ignis and Gladio all grew up as perfect targets for kidnapping/ransom. Obviously at some point they were each sat down by an adult and told what to do in the event that they get taken. They would have been taught basic things like, try to connect with your kidnapper so they're less likely to hurt you, and more advanced things like how to secretly give clues to your location when the kidnapper has you make a 'proof of life' phonecall.What their instructors didn't count on was the fact that they're all little shits.(Noctis keeps getting kidnapped and his responses keep getting more... well. More Noctis.)





	1. Four

**Author's Note:**

> Ahaha, I decided to put this here, because I'm not too terribly ashamed of this one. It could be worse.

When Noctis is four years old, a man kidnaps him from outside the Citadel in hopes that King Regis will give him a million Gil and one of the sports cars he has locked away under the Citadel.   
  
They don't get very far because the man isn't exactly thinking with his head, instead thinking of what a perfect opportunity it is that the Crown Prince of Lucis stumbled right in front of him. Afterall, it isn't every day that things like that happen? What kind of stupid kid follows a damn cat right out of the Citadel and into the commoner’s area anyway?  
  
One that isn't smart, that’s who. One that doesn't realize that puppies and kitties don't actually grow on magical trees in Insomnia.   
  
And Noctis?  
  
Poor Noctis is shaking and scared, his little tummy rolling and making it feel like his brain is floating in the sky. He doesn't like the feeling and keeps telling the man carrying him that he doesn't want to see the puppies and kitties. He can get puppies and kitties at home if he wants them. Gladio just got a kitty and daddy promised if he’s a good boy at the next gala he can choose one from the pregnant kitchen cat when they’re born.   
  
He cries and cries, his wailing echoing in the forest and he tells the man… well… more like he _warns_ the man. He's a good boy and he _tries_.  
  
Daddy made him eat the beans for dinner and he doesn't like beans and all of the bouncing as they run is making his tummy hurt and make squishy noises. He doesn't want to keep running and he wants the man to put him down. But he hurts. He tries, he really does.  
  
But… he hates beans.   
  
He _really_ hates beans.   
  
Oops.   
  
He apologizes because even when someone is trying to kidnap him… throwing up beans all over them isn't very nice.   
  
The man leaves him in the park and when he’s in the safe embrace of his daddy’s arms he apologizes for getting sick on the man’s head. And his daddy promises no more beans, at least until there is another need for getting out of something.   
  
“Like the gala?” Noctis sniffles, and Regis knows he’s already helping to create his own monster.


	2. Seven

When Noctis is seven the Crownsguard have already given him a hundred lessons on what to do in case he is kidnapped again. He vaguely remembers what happened the first time when he was a little kid, so he promises that he will _always_ be more careful.   
  
The Crownsguard are careful with him; everyone knows that he is the only son Regis will ever have due to his dad’s unwillingness to marry again. Noctis is happy that he doesn't have to worry about another brother or sister. It means whenever dad has some free time he can spend it with Noctis and _only_ Noctis.   
  
He doesn't have to share his time with any kids, but he does have to share his time with the teachers at the Citadel and dad’s chamberlain and Shield and all the foreign digni...digni… digni—people. There are so many of them that are always coming and going and Noctis wants to kick them because they always take dad’s time.   
  
It’s why Noctis is outside the Citadel practicing his singing on Thursday morning. His dad wanted him to learn how to sing the beautiful high notes of “Somnus” to perform for some people coming in from Altissia. He wants them to be impressed because if he can impress them dad promised that he will tell Noctis the story about how he and his friends went to Altissia once.   
  
Dad’s stories are always great, and so Noctis is willing to do anything to get his dad to be happy with him.   
  
And when the men from the Crownsguard come inside the chapel to pick him up after practice, Noctis isn't worried because all of them look the same to him. Big men in uniforms. Noctis doesn't ask any questions because when people kidnap you they want to hurt you. 

These guys are his dad’s Crownsguard.   
  
Except they aren’t, but Noctis doesn't _know_ this.  
  
All of the roads were blocked off for the incoming envoy from Altissia, the Crownsguard says and Noctis smiles in the the back of the black car, kicking his shoes together.   
  
“Okay!”   
  
His dad’s told him so many times not to kick the back of the seat and to be polite, so Noctis clasps his hands in front of him for a minute, five minutes, then ten minutes.   
  
By fifteen minutes he’s bored and tomorrow is the big day, and “Mr. Crownsguard sir, can I practice? My dad’s gunna be so excited for tomorrow!”  
  
And the Crownsguard just shrug their shoulders and Noctis takes this as his cue to sing.   
  
And sing.   
  
And sing.   
  
He doesn't notice that the men are sweating and twitching. They need to stay calm so that the guards at every gate let them through, because Prince Noctis wouldn't be smiling and singing “Somnus” in the back of the car if this is a kidnapping. Just singing, singing, singing.   
  
For four and a half hours.   
  
Noctis gets a lot of practice in.   
  
He sings “Somnus” over and over and over and over and _**over**_ again, until finally the Crownsguard driving the car is laughing a little bit louder than Noctis likes and they pull over into a McCaelum’s parking lot. The two men get out of the car and Noctis asks for some cola and a Prince Noctis meal (McChocobo nuggets are great and Noctis doesn't mind being named after or for something so awesome.) One of the men dazedly says something and walks off. Noctis thinks it's a yes, and he keeps singing.  
  
They don't look back.  
  
Actually, if it weren't for the fact that they end up a leaving him in the car with the engine running for fifteen minutes by himself after four and a half hours going around and around Insomnia looking for an exit, Noctis wouldn't have been suspicious at all.  
  
But the McCaelum’s looks empty and Noctis is hungry, so he taps the little black button on his watch to call the Crownsguard to him. They don't come, so Noctis clicks the little red button on the side that dad says is for emergencies only.   
  
The sky lights up with a hundred red and blue flashing lights in less than two minutes and he is being pulled out of the car by Gladio’s dad. He looks half-dead from panic and Noctis feels guilty for worrying the man. Giving Gladio’s daddy a heart attack isn't what he wanted to do, but…  
  
“They said they’d get me a Prince Noctis meal,” Noctis admits when his dad’s Shield puts him down on the ground to check him over.   
  
It is less than a minute or so later when his father arrives on a helicopter that lands on top of the McCaelums building.  
  
_Cool_.   
  
“Dad, I’m okay! Pinky promise!” Noctis promises over and over again as his dad lifts him up in his arms, higher than his dad has held him in a long time. He likes it, but knows that it’s bad for his knees. At least that's what he usually says. “They just said they’d get me food and I’m kinda hungry.”  
  
He doesn’t understand why his dad is so worried, because it’s not like it was a bad day. “I got a lot of practice in,” he says, but Regis just holds him tighter.  
  
“You were kidnapped,” his dad explains, but Noctis doesn’t understand.  
  
“But the roads are all blocked.”  
  
“And they used it as a guise to take you.”  
  
Noctis allows his dad to hold him for another minute before he pulls away. “Can I still have my Prince Noctis meal? Please?”  
  
The next day Noctis hits all of the notes and smiles at his dad.  
  
The extra practice definitely helped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A kid named Willie in Altlanta, Georgia sang until his kidnapper got so annoyed that he threw the boy out of the car. That was my inspiration.


	3. Twelve

When Noctis is twelve years old it’s the first time he _realizes_ it’s a kidnapping. He realizes very fast but he’s already got his hands tied and he can’t get to his watch.  
  
How he finds out is easy—someone tells him to get in a car. The guy looks like a sleazeball and smells like a burning dumpster fire. Noctis knows no matter what his answer is to his dad’s routine question he is going to be running as fast as his skinny little legs will carry him.  
  
It sucks because his back is still a mess from the Marilith and running for very long (or running at all) hurts. He doesn’t have to run far, just far enough to hide somewhere. He figured out a way to turn off the watch from tracking his every movement months before and he needs to pop the little piece of diamond back in to make it work.  
  
But Noctis asks the question and gets a stupid response.   
  
“What’s today’s color?”  
  
His dad changes the color every morning and Noctis knows that it’s always the color of the fruit that he leaves to rot on the side of his plate.  
  
Today was grape.   
  
Yuck.  
  
“Yellow.”  
  
Noctis drops his backpack and runs, but he's right in his guess that his back would leave him running like a crippled old man. The kidnapper thwaps him across the head and he’s too woozy to stop himself from going into the trunk of the car with his hands tied behind him.   
  
It’s dark and scarier than Noctis will ever admit to anyone (even Ignis and definitely Gladio) and he tries his best to remember what Clarus drilled into his head after his first two kidnappings.  
  
 _Why do they want him?_  
  
The guy doesn’t seem like he is all that stable. Money? S...sex?  
  
 _Does he want to hurt Noctis_?  
  
Shit if he knows. The guy looks drunk and smells like Gladio did when he snuck out for his fifteenth birthday and came back to the Citadel at three in the morning. He came back puking food he hadn’t eaten in two years.  
  
But Noctis is in the trunk and he would give anything to have Gladio next to him. Even drunk Gladio would have been better than nothing.  
  
Noctis thinks back on the last two times but he can’t remember the actual kidnapping and just his dad’s scared face.   
  
Noctis tries to breathe through his nose and remember that things will be fine, because lots of people saw what happened and the Crownsguard would be coming very soon.   
  
“Hey, hey! I need to pee,” Noctis yells through the trunk, kicking his feet against the back metal. It hurts a bit— his school shoes aren’t made for this— but Noctis knows that even if his watch isn’t working they’ll find him. They’ve _got_ to find him.  
  
“I need to pee!” Noctis tries to keep his voice calm, but when the car just continues chugging on he knows that the man doesn’t care if he needs to pee.   
  
“I’ll do it all over your car, I swear it!”   
  
Not even a little deceleration. Okay.  
  
Noctis isn’t willing to pee himself to be spiteful, but he does take a little joy in spitting all over the inside of the trunk. If he is lucky… maybe the drunk guy can’t remember to bleach out the back and they can track him by his scent.  
  
Maybe he should pee—no. Nope. _Not_ going to happen.   
  
Noctis feels like an idiot because his kidnapper is going to know that he’s a liar and not a good one and… well, he’s not going to do it.  
  
So Noctis thinks more and more about the other two times. One time he puked and the other times he sang. Since puking is gross, Noctis goes for option two.  
  
He can’t really remember the words like he used to, but Noctis does know the high note. It had once been a really nice F5. Now it’s like puberty chewed on it and spit it back up like mush. Ew.  
  
Noctis still remembers how loud he used to be able to sing, so he takes in deep breath after deep breath and hopes that the sound of his voice will do something.  
  
It’s cracking and raw and loud. The metal shakes and the sound comes as such a shock that the crazy drunk man crashes his car.   
  
Noctis knows that it’s bad because he can feel warm blood in his mouth and he’s pretty sure he bit his tongue. There’s pain lancing across his head like when Gladio punched him once, but he’s happy when the trunk opens up and Noctis can see the drunk guy looming over him.  
  
Noctis closes his mouth as the man leans forward to pull him up by his shirt collar. Noctis doesn't like this; he's too close and now Noctis is worried that what the man maybe wants isn't money. He's not sure, but he doesn't like the way the man is staring at him.   
  
Just as his kidnapper gets close enough, Noctis hocks his head back and spits the blood collecting in his mouth across dumpster creep's face.   
  
Clarus and the other Crownsguard told him time and time again that if he’s kidnapped again he needs to be calm and cool like a cucumber. Well, Noctis hates cucumbers and this guy put him in the trunk. 

Screw that.  
  
He doesn’t even really mind the man backhanding him because he latches onto the man’s hand for dear life when it comes back for a second blow. It knocks out one of his baby teeth and it hurts, but Noctis doesn’t mind because his captor is screaming and his own pants go wet across the front.   
  
Hey, at least it wasn't Noctis.  
  
When the man finally gets Noctis to let go with a solid smack to the ear, it still doesn’t stop him from screaming at the man as he runs off down the side of the road.  
  
“Waittttttt! Come back! Let me try one more time!”   
  
He spits out the blood against and tries to hit the high note, letting his voice crack. The birds above take off in a flock of black feathers and terror. Noctis hopes at least one of them manages to crap on the running man’s head.  
  
Poetic justice or something.  
  
This kidnapping is the shortest of Noctis’s kidnappings and he’s got a nasty cut over his eye (kind of like the one on that cool new Glaive, Nyx) but his dad makes him take a potion and tells him he can’t keep it.   
  
Dad’s always an apologizing mess when Noctis gets kidnapped, but this time is the worst one yet. Maybe it’s because all the other times Noctis was fine. This time… this time he wasn’t. Not completely, anyway.  
  
So, he makes more plans for more classes until Noctis can sweet talk his way out of any kidnapping attempt that may happen in the future. There’s also mandatory training with Gladio and now he’s getting a permanent member of his dad’s staff to follow him around… forever. _Forever-_ forever.   
  
Noctis doesn’t like it, but he guesses it’s better than being kidnapped again.


	4. Fifteen

When Noctis is fifteen, he’s not sure if he’s kidnapped or if was asking for it.  
  
He thinks back and... yeah.

This _is_ kinda his fault.

It’s ten o’clock at night and he’s supposed to be back at the Citadel but there’s no way he wants to go back there when everyone’s being a jerk and he has absolutely no desire whatsoever to see his dad. Prompto’s gone home already and so Noctis just enjoys the blissful silence of the arcade. He’s waiting for the Glaive to come pick him up; it’s not his day to babysit Noctis but he’d rather deal with Nyx than that pain in the ass Luche. Six, he’d rather pull out his own teeth with pliers than deal with Luche.

What a tight-wad.

Either way, Noctis doesn’t want to go home but it’s not like he has a choice.  
  
Then he does.  
  
Kinda.  
  
They’re older than him and he’s seen them around before. He knows that Prompto doesn’t like the look of them and Noctis really doesn’t like the look of them either. But they’re exactly the kind of people his dad would hate for him to spend time with, maybe even more than his dad complains about Prompto. It’s all weird because Prompto’s just a big chocobo-butt and these guys look more seedy than bird feed, but…   
  
Well, he goes with them because he’s fifteen and bored. There are three of them and he knows that in a fight he could probably win from sheer force of will and innate temper alone. Well, that’s what he tells himself. They say they want to go smoke some pot and maybe get some beer. Noctis thinks that it’s better than waiting for Luche, and if disappearing gets Luche fired then it’s even better.  
  
But really, he doesn’t care. He’s thinking about pissing off his dad because his dad skipped out on their third dinner that month. School’s stressful. Ignis with his extra assignments is stressful. Gladio constantly kicking his ass is stressful. The fact the one day he’ll be forced to be king is _super_  stressful. Even if he didn’t need to worry about anything that a normal teenager didn't think about, just being fifteen is super _**fucking**_  stressful. The zits, the smells, the weird body hair, the hard-on at the worst of times.   
  
Still…  
  
He only realizes it’s a kidnapping when they’ve got him tied down to a chair. He isn't really that surprised. At least it gives him something to do. Maybe dad will pay attention for a bit.   
  
Noctis blinks balefully at his captors. “Oh. I’m so scared.”  
  
The older one with a rugged scar across his forehead glares at him. Noctis can’t even bring himself to be flustered.  
  
“You should be. We’re gunna make a nice gil off you.”  
  
Noctis yawns. He’s had a long day. “You and the last three groups that tried to kidnap me.” He looks down at the ropes which are tied far too tightly around his wrists. They were starting to go a bit numb. “They’re too tight.”  
  
“Shut up, Princess.”  
  
Noctis can’t help but to growl at the name. No one except Gladio is allowed to call him “Princess.” Even then Noctis loathes being called it. The only reason Gladio gets away with it is because Gladio can make mince meat out of him.  
  
“Then when my hand falls off the King’s going to cut yours off and attach it to mine.”   
  
Noctis knows some of the rumors that go on about the royal family. He knows some of them involve the Caelum family eating the flesh of newborn babies and something about sucking out the souls of its employees. While his dad wasn’t always the best boss or the best father, Noctis is pretty confident that the only thing getting sucked off was his dad… either by his Shield or the Crystal. It really depended on the day.  
  
_Gross_.   
  
When Noctis says this, the red-haired one slaps him across the face. Noctis hisses and then looks up, licking his lips. He can tell they’re straight and not interested in him as anything but a bargaining piece, so he knows they’re not going to do too much damage. He’s worth more alive than dead.  
  
“Ooooh, kinky aren’t you?”   
  
Scar-face has to grab Red-head from smacking the shit out of him again. Instead, the quiet guy with an oil-slick for hair kicks the foot of his chair.  
  
It takes a bit of energy to make sure that he doesn't end up flying backwards, but Noctis manages. He blows the quiet one a kiss.   
  
“No need to be shy.”   
  
Noctis notices the looks the three shoot each other and though he knows he should shut his damn mouth, he can’t help but to be a little shit.   
  
“Aw, you three a couple? It’s good you’re all into each other. Eos doesn't need any more butt-ugly babies.”  
  
Red-head tries punching him again, but Scar-face doesn't let him.   
  
Noctis cocks an eyebrow. “Hit a nerve?”  
  
The twitch in Red-head’s cheek speaks louder than words.   
  
Noctis rolls his eyes and tries to show how completely relaxed and bored he is, letting his body slump back into the chair. It’s something he picked up from his father when he’s really angry but doesn't want anyone to know it. It’s a kingly pose. Or, well, Noctis likes to pretend so.   
  
“Little shit, what did you think we wanted you for?”  
  
“Video games, pot, and some hot man on man action?” Noctis remarks monotonously.   
  
“We aren't gay!”  
  
“Oh. Uh huh. Yeah, _sure_. That’s why you have me tied up here. Well, usually I’m all for the ropes and chains, but like I said—it’s too tight.” Noctis wiggles his hands.   
  
“We only want your dad to pay up,” Scar-face insists.   
  
Noctis laughs. “You think he’ll pay for me? You’ve got another thing coming.” Noctis curls his spine like a cat and kicks out both legs, leaning back to make himself seem bigger than he really is. “My old man isn't going to pay anything for me. He doesn't even like me.”  
  
“You’re the crown prince,” Red-head starts, but Noctis clicks his tongue.   
  
“Until my dad makes another one.” He laughs humorlessly and hopes that his voice doesn't break. “He says it every time I fuck up.”  
  
Oil-slick looks to Noctis with something that Noctis knows, or at least he thinks he does. Empathy.   
  
**_Bingo_**.   
  
Oil-slick blinks. “He’s fucking with us.”   
  
“You think I’d still be here if he cared?” He smiles, all teeth and blood. He hopes he looks at least a little intimidating. Or, at least, batshit crazy. “You got yourself the wrong prince if you wanted money. But… well,” Noctis tries to shrug against the ropes as nonchalantly as possible. “I can get you into the Citadel.”  
  
It’s a risky move; if they call his bluff he knows that he’s going to get the shit kicked out of him. Noctis knows that he’s worth anything and everything to his dad, even if his dad is too busy for him.   
  
Noctis knows his dad loves him, loves him enough to sleep with that fucking ring on his finger to keep the Wall going strong. Yet he’s missed three dinners and he won’t talk to Noctis.   
  
And Noctis is annoying and bratty, but he’s smart enough to know that he got himself into a bad situation because he was bored and angry. He’s got to fix it, now.  
  
“Nope. I can get you in. I know how. In exchange… you let me stay with you.”  
  
They don’t untie him, and that’s not all of a shock. But, Noctis does know that they need him to walk them into the CItadel and show them where they could steal some expensive shit to sell off.   
  
  
“You’re saying we’re going to walk into the most highly protected place in all of Insomnia and everything’s going to be fine?”  
  
Noctis rolls his eyes. “No. We’re not going into the Citadel. We’re going into the basement. It’s where we keep all of the money and the jewelry.” Noctis hopes that the men don’t know anything about history, because if they do they know that Insomnia’s Bank of Spira has held all the riches of the Caelum family since the 300s.   
  
They don’t seem to realize, and so Noctis wonders just how far he can push it.   
  
“There’s five billion gil hidden down there, even more in jewelry and cars. One of my ancestors had a thing for collecting old weapons,” Noctis said as he walked through the lining of the trees toward the sewer area that would lead into the basement. “We’ve also got a cerebus chained up down there… it’s best to avoid Fluffy.”  
  
“Fluffy?” Red-head’s voice quivers.   
  
Noctis nods. “Yeah. It protects the Pit.”  
  
“The Pit?”  
  
“Yeah. It’s where we… well…” Noctis lets his voice trail off.   
  
“Well what?” Someone pushes him and Noctis barely manages to keep on his feet.  
  
“It’s where they throw the babies,” Noctis tries to add in just the hint of horror to his own voice. “The Crystal is hungry… so they have to _feed_ it.”  
  
Oil-slick gulps. Even Scar-face looks a bit uncomfortable.  
  
“I thought those were just stories,” Red-head exclaims.  
  
“Some of it is… but the baby thing is true. I got lucky, I was the strongest.” Noctis doesn’t let his voice change. “Why do you think I want out? We can take the money and just… we can get out.”  
  
The three men look at each other and Noctis realizes that they are scared, so scared.   
  
“Dude… it’s not worth it,” Red-head says, and Oil-slick agrees with him.  
  
“You don’t want the money? But I can get it for you… we don’t even need to go near Fluffy… or the daemon nest.”  
  
“D—daemon nest?”   
  
Noctis quickly nods his head. He can see one of the hidden entrance that wasn’t so hidden. The minute he stepped through he knew for a fact that it would trigger every member of the Glaive and the Crownsguard to him in a matter of moments. He just needs to get close enough to set it off.   
  
“Yeah but it’s not that bad. I mean, it’s not like they’re Psychomancers or anything. Just some Iron Giants. You’re not scared, are you? They’re really not that bad.”  
  
Noctis has to fight the smile from spreading across his mouth. “We do have that one Chandravarma…. My dad told me not to go near that one, because it can smash you to a puddle of goo with a swat.” Noctis wishes that his hands were free so that he could make them smack together. Maybe that would have been going overboard.  
  
Noctis frowns when he realizes that his kidnappers are slowly backing away. “There’s also the…” he hopes his voice shows the appropriate amount of terror and he gulps to emphasize this, “ _Tonberry_.”  
  
That does it.   
  
He’s close enough to throw himself inside the entrance and he can all but feel the magic enveloping him. There's a moment of chaos and it's less than thirty seconds until he sees the warping blue criss-crossing the sky.  
  
His three would-be kidnappers get tackled to the ground. They never had a chance.  
  
Nyx is the one who gets to him first and helps undo the bindings on his wrists. He doesn't look amused, but he doesn't look too pissed. That's a good sign.  
  
“Luche said you went missing?”  
  
Noctis sighs. “I got kidnapped.”  
  
“Is this one of those cries for help and your dad’s attention?”   
  
Noctis can’t help but purse his lips as he watches Nyx’s face. There’s a hint of a smirk there now and he wants to punch him.   
  
“Well, good news is that dad can’t be angry at you for this one.” Noctis turns when he hears the three men screaming in panic. He waves his hands to get their attention. “Enjoy the Pit! Say hi to Fluffy for me!”  
  
Nyx blinks.  
  
“Don’t ask.”  
  
“Whatever you say, Prince.”


	5. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Thank you guys for the fun journey!

When Noctis is seventeen he is kidnapped.

Well. 

They _try_.

Noctis has to give them credit; it’s the best one since he was a little kid and his kidnappers drove around Insomnia for a few hours with him blissfully unaware. His kidnappers have clearly thought this one out. They’ve got a small team of Niflheim spies, trained fighters, and one man whose face reminds Noctis eerily of Lunafreya. He only catches a glimpse of him, but Noctis wonders…

It doesn’t matter though; they’ve got him tied up in the back of the Niflheim-made airship. At least this time they’re aware of how to properly tie someone up. It’s tight but not cutting off his circulation. It’s also strong enough for Noctis to know that there’s no way in the Six that he’s getting out of them without help.

This is the most dangerous kidnapping in his life. No. This was the most dangerous situation of his life, only comparable to the Marilith attack and then the Tenebrae Invasion. But even then he had his dad to fight for him, others to die for him. On this airship…. He’s on his own. 

He’s never been more alone.

But it’s okay, Noctis tells himself. He’s got this.

“Hey, look at me!” Noctis yells, trying to get someone’s attention. The MTs don’t even turn to him, and it reminds Noctis that these soldiers aren’t really human. Still, there are a few people on the airship that are clearly human.... Like the woman who had been pretending to be his teacher for the last six months. The same woman who had planned the trip outside the Wall to see the Disc of Cauthess. Same woman who had sold him to the godsdamned Nifs.

And he had thought she was _cool_.

The airship rocks and Noctis wonders how the Nifs expect to get this thing off the ground and back to Niflheim without someone fighting back.

Noctis bangs his feet on the ground, hoping that it will bring someone to him. “Hey! Hey!” At least they didn’t tape his mouth shut, but Noctis is pretty sure the only reason is because the MTs aren’t bothered by his screaming.

Someone walks over to him, the guy whose face is cloaked in white, and Noctis turns his head. Yeah, it definitely looks like… 

“Ravus?” 

The man under the cloak twitches. 

Uh oh. Not good. But, at the same time… 

Noctis allows himself to look more open than he is comfortable with, but it’s not a lie. Luna has been a bit quiet recently, and Noctis assumes it’s all about her Oracle duties. 

That or her dick of a brother isn’t letting her contact Noctis. That makes Noctis a little upset, but he hides that, hoping that he can pass it off as fear. Afterall, he was the one tied down with the promise of death looming in front of him. 

Or, at least that’s  what Ravus no doubt thinks.

He doesn’t lower his hood, but Noctis knows that he has the man’s attention. 

Good.

“Hello Ravus,” Noctis croons, and he doesn’t allow his expression to change as Ravus cocks his head to the side. “Look at your Magitek.”

Ravus’s eyes snap to the nearby Magitek and then, 

“Now back to me. Now back at your Magitek. Now back to me.”

Noctis watches Ravus’s hooded self snap back and forth. 

“Now, Sadly, it isn’t me.” Noctis scans the room as quickly as possible. “But you stop acting like a dick I can help you.” 

Ravus tries to reach for his sword and that’s exactly what Noctis wants. 

“Look down! Now back up!” Noctis snaps his fingers and _whoosh_. He’s warped himself out of the chair, the ropes around his torso falling around him. His feet and wrists are still tied, but he can work with it. “I’m free. What will you do?”

Ravus snarls and Noctis laughs.

“Look up! Look down!” Noctis snaps his fingers again and now he’s standing next to one of the Magitek. He lets the thing grab him. “I’ve got a Magitek! What am I gunna do?” 

Warp. 

“Look over here, now look over there.” Noctis pulls the Magitek toward the central engine in the room, tossing it in. “I’ve now destroyed your Magitek.” He snaps his fingers again, warping across the room. He can’t run or jump or even fight back, but he can do this. 

“Now your airship won’t work right. Look to your engine, now back at me. Now back to your engine. It’s going to explode.” 

Noctis is right; he can see that the engine is fuming, spitting up black smoke and flames. He knows that this airship isn’t going to be going anywhere, and he can see that Ravus knows this, too.

They’re **so** going to die, except they’re not. 

“Now look back to me. We don’t have to die; it’ll make Luna very sad.” Noctis snaps his fingers and warps toward Ravus, grabbing him with one hand. “I have an offer.”

It’s hard to warp with another human, but Noctis knows he can do it. But he needs his hands free to do what’s coming next.

“Untie me.” He waves his wrists in front of Ravus and is surprised when the man does as he’s asked. The lights above are now flashing a sickly red color and Noctis realizes that they’ve got only a few seconds before everything explodes in a fiery pit. “Are we on the ground?”

“Ye...yes.”

Noctis nods his head and tries to run, but he stumbles. No time to undo the ropes, they’ve only got a few seconds. “Now grab my waist.”

Ravus does as he is told and Noctis whistles as he warps toward the nearby exit. He can see the sunlight peeking through the steel. The entire airship is shaking and—

_Warp_. _Whoosh_. _**Kweh**_.

Noctis’s chest hits something soft and he grabs hold of it for dear life. He can hear Ravus near him, clearly thrown by the explosion on top of him. They’re soaring through the air and Noctis lets out a scream before buries his nose into the soft feathers. He braces for impact, but clearly Ravus doesn’t.

The man flies off and manages to somehow, thank the Six, land in some shrubbery. His cloak falls down to show that yes, it’s definitely Ravus.

Luna owes him for this.

“What the fuck—” Ravus begins, but Noctis snaps his fingers to get Ravus’s attention. 

He appreciates the bush branch in Ravus’s hair.

“Ravus,” Noctis says, half-way through a laugh and a snort. “I’m on a chocobo.”

And he is. 

Noctis waves goodbye as his chocobo picks up a soft trot away from Ravus. He hits the red button on his watch and waits for the calvary to come.

It’s the last time anyone tries to kidnap the Crown Prince, Noctis Lucis Caelum.

There are whispers that there is something unholy, inhuman, about the Prince. Someone starts a rumor that there is some kind of death magic that protects him. 

Too bad they don’t know the truth.

Noctis is just a little shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! OP from the Kink-Meme, I hope that this story filled your need for crack. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought in the comments below!

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to add me on tumblr! My name is rsasai


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